Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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