Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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