bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
