I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
