I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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