Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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