gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
