All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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