My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
