I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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