Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want a musical about memes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
