Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
