i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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