Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
