just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
