hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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