best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
