Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
