They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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