The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if i can run in heels then i can drive
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize