you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
