I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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