I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
