Jerry, you need to find god
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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