I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
