I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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