so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
