In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
