i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
