I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
