Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
