i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
