this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this boner is exhausting
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
