I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
