Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
