He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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