I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im holly from the hills drunk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
