morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
