I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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