Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
