miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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