she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
