oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
