Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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