if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
