I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
