Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
