I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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