My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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