Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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