Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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