me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
