I cannot find my penis.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
