is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
