Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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