ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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