He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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