i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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