I wanna bring you to show and tell
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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