I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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