He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
