Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
