in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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