I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
