Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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