This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
