If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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