so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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