end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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