Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
