speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
