My first STD was from a foam party
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
