I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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