we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
