Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
