This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
