Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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