they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
