No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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