ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
