yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
