i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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