i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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